Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Another day, another day

Does anyone else have those days that just seem to be wrong somehow? Today was one of those days where it seemed that everything was wrong, Everything I said, everything I did, and everything went wrong. I tried to help out my boss by coming up with some new ways to advertise, only to be shot down due to privacy issues. My department had certain processes audited, and ... well, we have some stuff to work on.

I ran into my sister on my way back to work and she mentioned some stuff about my brother, which prompted questions. I also found out my brother lost his ID again, so I must replace it so he can get a job and become a responsible member of society *cough*. Yeah, I get to spend more of my money, paying for him! Opps, sorry, that sounded a bit like a rant didn't it?

Anyway, it was one of those days. Shortly it will be over, and I can move on another day.

Standing up

I will never understand why so many of us have issues with standing up to people. Self-conscious people, abused people, people who feel trapped. We all have those people in our lives that we can't or won't stand up to, and while I may know the answer, I still ask myself why? What is it about ourselves, or them, that makes it so hard?

Please, don't think I will have the answer here, I'm just rambling about this a little bit. I know why I have issues standing up and speaking my mind, for me it's fear. I've always been the person who does what everyone else wants me to do, out of fear of disappointing people, or having them be angry with me. While my parents tried to make me feel secure, or as secure as possible, I always felt like the world would fall away underneath my feet if I did the wrong thing, said the wrong thing, wore the wrong thing. This is something I've always known about myself, but only began to feel like I could begin to correct recently.

Today I had to push my brother a bit about getting a new job. I've been supportive and understanding, but after almost 3 years of supporting him financially, I told him that he really needs to begin to pull his weight. As soon as I sent the dreaded email, with job postings included, I felt a knot tighten in my stomach. I truly believed that I would be stepping into a war zone when I returned home, so much so that I even tweeted "It has begun!", one of my favourite lines from Mortal Kombat. While the reference may have been lost on others, it was forefront in my mind. Needless to say, the worry was for nothing, seeing as he took it quite well.

This is a rare occurrence. Usually when I stand up for myself, or correct someone with reference to my feelings, I tend to be shunned or they get angry with me for a while. Eventually they come around, but only when I return to the way they see things or do what they want me to do. In the end harmony is restored and everyone happily gets on with life, except me. I always feel weak because I gave in, rather than doing or saying what I wanted.

Why am I this way you might ask? I have no idea. There was no traumatic or emotional event that caused this, at least not that I can recall, it's just how I've always been. I'm not afraid of people, but I am afraid to disappoint or anger them. I'm sure there is some medical term for it, some sort of disorder, but knowing it would probably only make me feel worse.

I'm just going to try to work on this, work on changing this part of who I am. I know it will be hard, so I'll pick and choose my battles. Maybe one day I will fully feel free to say and do what I want, without worrying. What a day that will be...

Monday, October 25, 2010

A reminder of a silly 16 year old girls crush

So, I am a follower of wwdn: In Exile (wil wheaton dot net) and yesterday he posted a pic, then followed up with an article which had the 16 year old girl in me squeeing with delight. the pic is here and the post is here. While the post mentions of little bit of a critique, I just remember Wil's performance in that movie as being great.

Yes, 16 year old me had a huge crush on Wil Wheaton. As many of you know, I'm a geek. I grew up watching Star Trek The Next Generation among other shows. Wil Wheaton may have actually been my first crush as I sat at home watching the earlier TNG episodes with my father. I do remember the brief period of time, only about 6 months actually, where I purchased *gulp* teen magazines and hung pictures of Wil on my walls. A short while later River Pheonix, Jonathan Brandis, Keanu Reeves and Johnny Depp joined him. When I out grew the poster phase, I did recycle them.

I watched Stand by Me many times, but Toy Soldiers always held a place for me. It was a bunch of misfit kids who rallied together to save the day, even if Wil did die, and I found it somewhat inspiring. Plus, it had Sean Austin, Keith Coogan and Wil in there undies for brief periods of time (get it, brief? Okay lame joke) and also had Lou Gossett Jr. in it.  Seeing even a frozen scene made me long for the days when I was 16 and had a school girl crush.

I watched this so much that the VHS copy I had was finally eaten my the VCR and I hunted down a copy on DVD. Maybe tomorrow I'll pop it in and relive the past.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Premiere Night video

So Tania and I thought that it would be fun to record our reactions to the season 5 premiere of Paranormal State.

Here is our video:

Friday, October 22, 2010

Book Review: Paranormal State: My Journey into the Unknown

Alright, so many people wanted me to write a review of this book. I thought I had done this, but I just realized that I didn't so here it is.

TITLE: Paranormal State: My Journey into the Unknown

AUTHOR: Ryan Buell and Stefan Petrucha

MY EAGERNESS: 10! I was super excited to this get book. I went to my local Chapters a week ahead of time, just to make sure that they were actually getting the book in stock so that I would have it the day it was released instead of waiting for it to be shipped. I wanted to support a new author, who I had actually met, with his first project.

MY EXPECTATIONS: I was expecting this book to be an in-depth look at season 1 of Paranormal State, to have a few personal stories and to show Ryan's views on what PRS does. I expected to see some of the reasons PRS chose the cases they chose and hear more about the process they went through.

MY REVIEW:  I can't say that this book met all the expectations I listed above, but I was definitely not disappointed at all. I expected an in-depth look at season 1, and I got that, and much more. While I wish the details of how each case was chosen was laid out a little better, the ones we did learn this about made perfect sense. The detail of the investigation process was adequate, but it left the curious person inside of me wanting a little more in that area.

The personal stories were there, as I hoped, but I was surprised just how much Ryan had opened himself up in this book. The emotion was evident all the way through the story, and I was happy to see that I could easily imagine the scenes and almost feel the emotions they were supposed to portray. I will admit that this book took me longer to read than most books, but this is actually a huge compliment considering the reason I kept having to stop reading was to digest the content, separate the emotions and process the huge life altering events the Ryan had experienced. I could always visualize what Ryan was feeling, which made me feel like I knew and understood him a little better by the end.

The explanations of terminology, experiments, evidence and devices was a surprise, but I really enjoyed them. Rather than just the usual * or footnote, the framed sections made the details easier to read. More often I forget to look at the footnotes because the indication happens in the middle of a sentence, this way there was no missing anything. I also loved the list of recommended reading at the end, a great help to those who are interested, but don't know where to start.

TO SUM IT UP:  To say this book was worth the read would be a total lie, this book is a MUST read. It's a must read for any Paranormal State fan, paranormal enthusiast, or even someone who is just mildly interested in learning a little bit more about what could be out there. This story is moving, and the personal battles between self, religion and societies views is inspiring and well written. To me, this book is about more than just the journey Ryan took to bring Paranormal State to TV, it's a small part of the journey he took to become who he is today.

MY RATING (1-10): A very pleased 8!

Now I really can't wait for Ryan's fiction work to come out.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

A return to things I missed without realizing it

So, upon finishing Ally's Story, which coincidentally got it's first rave review from Angie today, I knew that I would be returning to finish Jen and Robert's story. In preparation for this, I went back and began reading book 3, from the beginning today. I have to say this one thing, I forgot just how much I loved these two!

I know that may sound weird, considering they came from my mind, of course I would miss them. The thing is, I always knew that they would be there. I know their story, their mannerisms and their love as well as I know myself. I always always knew that I would go back, the scary thing is, it will be for the last time now. How do I let go of two people who live in my mind, as if they truly do exist in real space and time. the prospect of doing so makes me a little sad.

I've already begun to pick up their story, and it essentially writes itself, I am merely the means to share it. So there it is. I have restarted working on something I hadn't realized that I had missed so much. I wonder how much I will miss them when it is over. When they no longer occupy the corners of my mind, what will reside there? I can't imagine not having them there, it almost seems like losing a family.

So I will let the story flow out of me, but know this, it will be a bittersweet ending for me, and I will miss them.

Monday, October 18, 2010

An actual text post

Well, the video interviews are done for a while, so I have to get back down to the actual writing of the blog again. Well, tomorrow I will post the video we took during the Paranormal State premiere. It was an interesting evening and very fun. I love the new vision and look of the show.

After seeing the new show and Chad's direction, I really can't wait to see The Ghost Prophecies now. I think that it will be a great success. I'm looking forward to seeing Chad an Justin when they come to Toronto on Halloween night. I can't wait to see a sneak preview of the Ghost Prophecies.

In other news, I finished writing Ally's Story last night. I'm so excited to let my friends read it. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Book Signing/Open House 5 interview 16 - Serg

Well, since Ryan was sick, I wasn't able to get an interview with him,  but I managed to snag a few minutes with his 2nd in command, Sergey. Even though I constantly want to run from his camera, I managed to get him on mine for a quick review of the weekends events.  It's always a pleasure to talk to with Serg, and his humour was evident in this interview more than the other one I shot with him.

Here he is, Sergey!

Book Signing/Open House 5 Interview 15 - Sam

Well, I finally managed to catch Sam for a short interview at this event. Sam always goes out of her way to make sure that everyone is having a good time at Field Trips and is always friendly and approachable. The dedication she has to helping organize the trips and events is evident as soon as you begin to speak with her. She is most definately someone I hope to interview again at another event.

Here she is, Sam!

Book Signing/Open House 5 Interview 14 - Mike

Well, I took last night off, so tonight I will bring you the last 3 interviews from the Book Signing.Open House weekend, just in time for tomorrow night's premiere of season 5 of Paranormal State.

Tonight's first interview is new to the PRS scene, or at least as far as we all know. Mike was only introduced to all of us as PRS began to prepare for the move to their new offices. This is one of the major reasons I wanted to interview him on this trip, he was as new to it all as some of us are. I thought his responses would be interesting and that we may get to know him a little bit.

Here he is, Mike!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Book Signing/Open House 5 Interview 13 - Agent S

lol, I promise, I didn't plan to have Agent S as our 13th interview. Anyway, I always enjoy interviewing Agent S. Although she may be hesitant sometimes, she always takes part with a smile and has a lot of interesting things to say. It is a pleasure to interview her, and I look forward to doing so again in the future. For those of you who have met her, you know that under the stern exterior is a wonderful person who is fun to get to know.

Enough of my yammering, here is Agent S!

Book Signing/Open House 5 Interview 12 - Mickha

Mickha is better known to us as In2thelight on the forums. We've all been chatting for quite a long time, but this was our first meeting in person. He was exactly as I expected, fun, friendly and just a pleasure to hang out with. I recommend that you all take the time to get to know him, it's worth it.

Here he is, Michka!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Book Signing/Open House 5 Interview 11 - Coalin

How could I pass up adding a fellow video recorder to tonight's posting?! Coalin's vision astounds us all as we watch his footage. He's always smiling when he approaches you for any reason, which is yet another reason I chose to post his interview tonight. While my recordings are no where near the same caliber as his, he always consents to my interviews with a smile.

I present, Coalin!

Book Signing/Open House 5 Interview 10 - Tania

Well, she is back again. I decided to interview Tania again because of her infectious personality that wins over everyone she meets. Even with now famous "Bicker on girlfriend" comment, she is still as happy and bubbly as ever. Tania always has something interesting to say, and an interesting way to say it.

I give you, my fellow Canadian, Tania!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Book Signing/Open House 5 Interview 9 - Josh

Well, I decided to pair my interview tonight with another person who prefers to be behind the camera, Josh.  I've always enjoyed chatting with Josh. We've discussed tech a lot, but that's just because I love tech. I do hope to talk with him about something other than tech one day, but the tech just gets me lol.

Even though Mr. Josh isn't very fond of being in front of the camera, he always has something worth listening to and I've heard many people say that his interviews easily capture their interest. I am looking forward to hearing Josh strum his guitar and call bingo at Field Trip X, but for now, I'll just upload his interview.

I give you, theothertechguy, Josh!

Book Signing/Open House 5 Interview 8 - Me

Okay, so I know that I am famous for talking other people into interviews, but someone suggested that I do my own interview. Bare with me during this interview because I really prefer to be behind the camera instead of in front of it. I did ramble a little, but mostly because the nerves got to me.

Also, Jess was just to the left of the camera, hence me speaking to her. I swear, I am not losing my mind lol. So here I am folks, hope you like it.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Book Signing/Open House 5 Interview 7 - Michelle

Well, I promised you all that I would get an interview with her as soon as I could, since for some reason the one I did at Field Trip 9 didn't record, so here she is Michelle!

When I arrived at Field Trip 8, the one thing that I really wanted to do, if my shyness would allow it, was talk with Ryan and Michelle about writing and the trials and tribulations that come with trying to get published. The more time I spent at Hotel Conneaut, surrounded by all my wonderful friends and such amazing people, I started to come out of my shell a bit. It took me until the night before we left to approach the subject with Michelle, and though she was exhausted she said she would love to talk writing with me the next day.

She did manage to find a bit of time to talk with me, give me some ideas, and what the insecure person inside me took as encouragement. I'm working on executing some of the options we discussed, which I never would have thought myself capable of only 6 short months ago.

I love speaking with Michelle when the opportunity presents itself. She is a fountain of information, which shows in every conversation. For some reason, everytime we speak, even about the most mundane things, I still feel like I've learned something at the end of the conversation, either about myself or the world around me.

I hope you all enjoy this. Here's Michelle!

Book Signing/Open House 5 Interview 6 - Kelly Ann

Good evening all. After having a rather disappointing showing with my Thanksgiving dinner, I have decided to make myself a little happier and post 2 interviews tonight! The first interview will be...Kelly Ann!

I really got to know Kelly Ann a little at Field Trip 9 and a little bit more since then. While we haven't spoken a lot, I've always found her to have very a interesting point of view. I'm always poised to hear her view points on different subjects, so how could I leave her out of this interview session.

Here she is, Kelly Ann.

Book Signing/Open House 5 Interview 5 - Whitney (Schatzi)

Good evening all. Yesterday was my roommate's birthday so my evening was occupied with a Hell's Kitchen marathon, Paranormal State season 4 episodes, and a trip to the movies to see My Soul to Take, hence no interview last night. This evening's interview, Whitney, should more than make up for it.

For any of you who have attended Field Trips, I'm sure you already know Whitney. I'm sure you have chatted and joked with her on many occasions. With a very warm personality, a great sense of humor and her friendliness, Whitney quickly became one of my favourite people to interact with at these events.

I give you, Whitney.


Friday, October 8, 2010

Book Signing/Open House 4 Interview 4 - Charyl and Amy

Well, I managed to get some more new interviews from Forum members and Field Trippers. I've run into both Amy and Charyl at two Field Trips now, and finally managed to get them in an interview.

I bring you, Amy and Charyl!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Book Signing/Open House 5 Interview 3 - Elifie Music

Hello again all. Well, I got up to my usual tricks and managed to get some of PRS to take part in the video interviews again. Tonight we have Eilfie Music!

I was really looking forward to taking part in Eilfie's lectures on Paganism, especially since her weekend workshop was canceled a few weeks ago. Eilfie has always been very sweet to take part in these interviews. I even spoke with her regarding the Haunted Objects workshop from FT9 and she said she would look into whether or not we could post it up here. Until I hear back on that, please enjoy this interview with Eilfie Music!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Book Signing/Open House 5 Interview 2 - Father Jim

I had the pleasure to meet Father Jim at Field Trip 8, Hotel Conneaut, get to know him a little at Field Trip 9, West Virginia State Penn, and visit with him again at the Book Signing/Open House. He is always ready with a smile and a very kind word for all those who approach him. I decided to interview him this time, so that all others could see a small part of the man who is so easily loved by all.

I bring you, Father Jim.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Book Signing/Open House Interview 1 - Robert

This weekend I travelled to State College to attend Ryan's Book Signing, as well as the PRS Open House #5.  I decided to do some interviews while I was there. I wanted to focus on why we were there, and get peoples reactions to both events.

First up, we have Robert. This legal eagle mentions that somehow he managed to skip getting his book signed at the event, but he still attended both and I was interested to hear his reactions.